The world is widely diversified, and that is how we are programmed to be. To think and to hold judgements of our own is our second nature. Thus, nobody can see eye to eye in every situation. That is normal.

Each individual is gifted with the power to stand up for the believes we hold strong in our hearts. However, it is very wrong for an individual or society to condemn ideas that is not their own. It is wrong to oppress and talk bad about another party. It is disrespectful, intruding and borderline evil.

I believe in discussion. With proper and critical brainstorming, a negotiable solution is bound to appear. Many a times, we hold so strongly onto our believes and ideas, we refuse to listen to others. In most cases, people shut other possibilities out, and deem theirs the most righteous.

Is it difficult to learn and research a little more? Or the insecurity in you tampers your trust so easily, that a little learning will make you turn 180 degrees around? 

We live in this world, as one race, the people. Instead of turning away from one another, we should be embracing and help each other out. How could we forget that we are of one origin?

We must not let our personal ego mislead us to something that is irrelevantly small and plays no significant roles in our lives.

Learn to understand one another. Love one another. Forgive one another.

Then, we would have an enriching life. A harmonious and peaceful life, with no regrets.

Today is Christmas eve.

I have a dream of a perfect Christmas,
of me sipping hot chocolate,
with a nice storybook in hand,
swaying gently on a rocking chair,
admiring the snow falling gracefully,
warmth seeping from the great fire burning with the logs,
serenely, just serenely absorbed in the moment.

Some days I'm just really happy. Some days I feel like I should kill everyone and stay alone in this world. And on some days, like today, I feel really alone. Oh, everyone walks these paths. It is part and parcel of life. 

Play me Michael Jackson's You Are Not Alone, and I'll personally get the parang and boomerang your brains out.

I can't explain it sometimes, you know. Everything is going on same.

You get your smarty ass remarks, you've dealt with them before, so why bother you now?

It gets pretty frustrating. How much can a person endure? 

I tell myself, I have to be strong. I have to be strong. How much stronger do I need to be? 

Am I still not strong enough?

Or have I not grown at all?

I feel so powerless. 

So fucking small.

2 days.

And I'll soon be home. My home. On my bed with the cold air conditioner. :)

It feels so surreal. I can practically shut my eyelids and taste victory at the tip of my tongue now. The thought is already enough to make me happy, I can't imagine what I'll do when I touch down in KLIA. I would wanna shout with as much force my lung capacity can carry out, but I fear the law enforcement will lock me up in prison. And that is not my goal. I would wanna run dramatically into the arms of my parents bollywood style, but I detest the idea of them backing away and disown me.

Dilemma, dilemma. Why must action always come with consequences?

Anyway, I'm finally done and over with my pre medical course. 10 months. Gosh, no way I'll say it flew by like a gush of wind. Because it didn't. 

I might not have war scars to prove my battle but I know what I went through. The journey was not entirely a leisure stroll in a garden of sunflowers, I've crawled through smelly pits on the way. I've had encounters with poison ivies and mistaken poisonous mushrooms for medical fungi. I've had moments when my hands itch to pick the roses, and get stings from the bees hidden in the buds instead. 

Russia is indeed a unique country. Oh, I don't hate it here. In fact, I'm quite comfortable. 

It is just that I've been away from home for so long, I miss everything that is Malaysia. I still think certain aspects of the country is bullshitty, but yeah, I'm gonna turn blind and deaf for those matters.

I don't mind. :)

I'm just so glad I'll be home. I am truly overjoyed. 

Think I'm gonna burst into an endless flowing fountain when I see my family's faces. I've denied them for so long, I'm ready to claim them. 

Oh yeah I am.

 I shall allow myself some allowance.

If I want to get to the other side so badly, I'll build that bridge. There is no point looking across and thinking it is pointless. There is no point sitting on the grass waiting for someone to throw in a boat to that river.

They might come but why wait, when you have your own hands?

Might as well start using them. 

 I never knew I have so much fear bottled up within me.

Constant brushing aside has produce a mass of gas ready to explode with a single flick.

Do you remember the time when you thought the world existed only for you?

And your world came crushing down when you realised it's not even close, if it ever was, to the truth?

Oh, maybe you don't but I do.

The moment I realised the world ain't what I thought it would be, I created a haven for myself, locking a piece of me in a place better than the world's greatest treasure box - my mind.

Intuitive protection, maybe. 

I have come to accept everything this world has to offer.

The good, the bad, yeah, I can take them all. 

 I don't know anymore.

I just don't. :( Help me.

It sucks to know everyone is Home except me.

I wanna go home. 

I miss everyone.

:'(

Time's a cheater.

For a moment you feel as though it is flying over space. Then the next, it is moving slower than a snail.

Perks of being a human. Just can't make up my mind right. 

Been feeling extremely absentminded. Distracted. 

And it is affecting me, quite badly. The worst part is I don't seem to be able to snap out of it. I'm stuck in vacuum where I can't hear anything but myself. 

And right now, I just want myself to shut up. 

So, if you do see me in Uni, do not feel offended if I ignore/look pass/frown at you.

It is most probably an inner battle is going on within my head. So, yeah...

I have no idea how long this brain breakdown would be. Coffee surprisingly is not activating my neurons at all, like I thought it would. 

Coffee's a cheater too.  :(

If someone is to ask me what I want for my birthday, no qualms, I'll say a hammer. Make it a big heavy one too. 

I need to knock this endless vacuum down.

This sucks.